How To Be Less Angry – An Easy Guide To Calming Yourself
We all associate anger with bullies and people who are less able to get their point across without the use of violence. Anger can be brought about for a variety of reasons. Anger is usually projected outward at another individual but the underlying reason is usually with the angry person themselves and not the recipient of their wrath.
The best way to reduce your anger levels is to first recognize what triggers anger. Then a deep and personal self-analysis needs to take place, with the help of a medical professional if needed. Only after you have isolated and worked on your triggers can you be able to be less angry.
Angry people will often think it’s not them, it’s the jerks that are doing or saying stupid things to make them angry. Recognizing that you need help is the first step in dealing with the issue. Let’s see what else we can do:
Identify what triggers your anger
- Poor self-esteem: This can come about for many reasons. Not treated well as a child. Bad relationships. Doing poorly at school. Unable to vocalize what you really mean and you get frustrated easily.
- Depression: Depressed people often feel that life is full of impassable obstacles and often they cannot cope and feel overwhelmed. When this happens it can often result in lashing out before returning to their previous miserable state.
- Loneliness: Feeling lonely can make people insecure as they may feel that people avoid them. Connecting with people is important so they feel engaged with others even if they are behaving in a negative angry manner.
- Powerless: Frustration from a lack of control in one’s life can make you angry. If you are being manipulated or stopped from doing things in your life it can cause you to lash out at others who are not being controlling towards you.
Working through these issues can be difficult but the first step and the biggest one is to first accept you have a problem. Then working on it will be much easier as you are open to resolution.
Don’t blame others because you got angry
Playing the blame game is easy. Of course many people can do or say things that are not agreeable and in some cases downright awful but there is only one person who can dictate how you feel and behave and that is you.
At best all other people can do is try to influence you and your mood but only you have full control of your emotions.
In society today we are almost accepting that people get angry and we even name some of the things that commonly get us mad. Road rage, back stabbers, cabin-fever. All things we hate and get angry about.
If you are angry at another person you run the risk of a positive feedback loop beginning. Not positive in the good/bad sense but in the increasing/decreasing sense.
When you display anger at someone they may feel this anger is unjust or misplaced. They then get annoyed and may make a sarcastic comment which escalates your anger. You then shout more and move into their personal space. This angers them and they tell you to back off. Feeling threatened you then reply “or what?”
Each action is increasing and escalating the issue. The only way to resolve a positive feedback loop confrontation is to stop. There is simply no way to win.
Before getting yourself into situations like this ask yourself, does the other person merit this anger and if so do they deserve the level of escalation and consequence for what you believed they did wrong?
Don’t hold a grudge, the past is past
The key to a more happy “now” is to not drag around a miserable “then” with you like old baggage. If something or someone angered you in the past then let it go.
Bringing up old issues is not only bad for your health it will also make you seem and subconsciously feel like a small and petty person. Imagine being angry at someone working in a coffee shop because they forgot to put sugar in your coffee 6 months ago and now every time you go into that shop it ruins your day. It’s simply not worth it
If the issue is with someone in particular then try to think about what is was they did which caused you to be angry at them. Ask yourself is what they did worth being angry about in the first place and if so is it worth being angry about now long after the issue has passed? What if the roles were reversed? Would you expect forgiveness for the same thing?
Learning to forgive slights to your person big and small is a move towards personal happiness and freedom. Refusing to let go will keep you locked in the past like a prisoner when you deserve to be here in the present.
Timeout – distance yourself from the issue
While you are working through your anger issues and are moving towards being less angry you may hit a bump or two in the road and get upset with people.
If this happens and you can work through it in your head then a good thing to do to help you reach a calmer state where you can think more clearly is to distance yourself from the source of the anger.
Move to another room or even leave your current location of you need to. Give yourself time to sit and calm yourself and to mull over what happened in the peace and quiet with no distractions or anything that could make you feel worse.
Practice calming, a few deep breaths can work wonders
Trying to calm the rage inside can be difficult but when you are angry you are likely to feel highly sensitive and may be full of adrenalin, ready to fight. When this happens your whole body will be tight and you may not breathe.
To get rid of this anger readiness you can practice some deep breathing to help you get more oxygen into your brain, oxygen has a calming effect so a few really big lungfuls can bring you back down.
When you breathe in imagine your body shrinking in and upwards and when you exhale your body, arms and legs relax and sink towards the floor.
Relaxing your muscles will cause the adrenaline to dissipate along with your fight or flight (mostly fight) reflex to leave you.
Work it off – let off steam with a walk
If you cannot calm yourself out of your angry state then do a bit of exercise. With the extra tension and energy you have just built up use it to go for a walk, run or some other exercise.
Focus on the exercise and block out anything else, if you are walking or running then count your steps or sound out a 1-2-1-2-1-2 rhythm in your head. until the mood passes.
In conclusion:
Anger can affect not only you but those around you that you love and care for. Angry people have a lonely existence as nobody wants to be near them. If you have anger issues then please take this article to heart and practice some of the techniques and if you feel you have a serious issue then please seek the help of a professional.
