We all want to be liked, there’s nothing wrong with that. Looking around you can often see groups of people enjoying themselves, sometimes you can spot one person in that group that seems to be the most likable so what is it that makes them so liked? Is there a secret?
The most likable people are those that are the most positive and interested in others. They listen to others politely and make them feel good about themselves. This makes them desirable to have around. So the real secret to being liked is liking others and meaning it.
Be keen – enthusiasm is catching
Have you ever met a person who is very enthusiastic about pretty much everything. No matter what ideas of thoughts you have their eyes light up and they start grinning and nodding like you have just invented the wheel.
Now think about what your thoughts are about that person. Maybe if they are overly enthusiastic it may be a bit negative but normally you will be looking at them and feeling good too. The happiness and excitement are just oozing from that person and it’s rubbing off on you too as you start to get caught up in it.
Showing to others that you are not only interested but onboard with them shows them that you value them as people as well as what they do. People love validation and genuinely enjoying what they enjoy will make them like you more.
Listen and be interested
Listening is an art and to be liked it’s one you should embrace. If you are sparing with your words, don’t interrupt and listen carefully then you will be showing to the person that you are listening to that what they have to say is important and has value, they will like you for this.
Showing interest as well as listening is key here. If you are listening but at the same time playing with your phone or looking off into the middle distance with a glazed over expression it will tell them you are bored senseless but you are too polite to tell them so. No friend points for disinterest.
If these people are not on your top ten list of interesting people you can always try and steer the topic to something you are both interested in. Then your interest won’t be lacking or feigned but genuine.
Flatter for effect
People love to feel good and when you give a nice compliment then it makes them feel good and also more positively towards you as the giver of the compliment.
Be careful not to overdo it though as it can come across as creepy if you are over complimenting a woman and a bit sycophant like if it’s a guy.
Use your common sense. If you are spending a couple of hours with that person, maybe one or two is all you need. All day maybe a couple more, but again, use your judgment. If you are not sure and you have already complimented them maybe refrain.
Be true to your word / generally decent / reliable etc.
If you want people to like you then you also want them to see that you are a decent person as well as a positive one and worth hanging around with.
You can adopt a few behaviors, which in my opinion, you should look at for your own well being as well as making friends.
Being honest and reliable are key friend traits. They will like you if they know they can trust you to be there when you say you will or do what you say you will. They will like you knowing they can leave personal belongings with you, can confide in you without you broadcasting to the world.
Being mature and dependable are also important values that you can bring to the table. Overall this will show to your friends you are a responsible person and they can feel comfortable having you as a friend.
Security is important to everyone so knowing that you are a bit of a loose cannon will have them running for the hills as they won’t know what will set you off next.
Don’t complain or be negative
People want to feel good and feeling good creates camaraderie and in turn likability. If you are the guy that complains when it’s hot, moans when it’s cold, whinges when you are hungry and gripes when they are full then it may not come as a surprise to you to know that your circle of friends will be and probably is quite small.
If you are an overly negative person the first thing you will do is place blame elsewhere. It’s their fault, they don’t understand me, they don’t like the things I do.
If this is you then give brain a virtual slap. Here comes some hard truth with it. The problem is you! not everyone else.
Sometimes there is no easy way but to be honest yourself. If you are negative then. It will be an issue when it comes to friendship.
You have to work on calming your reactions. Chances are you like a bit of drama, you may be more inclined to speak badly of others, and put then down.
Try a positive day challenge where every time you do or say something it has to be positive. Give yourself a point for each success and subtract a point for each negative. Include negative thoughts too. It all counts.
When you start this challenge there is a good chance you will finish on a negative score. Don’t worry. Now you have a target to beat. Try for zero. Then try for 10 and so on. After a while, you will be doing this naturally.
Keep your ego in check
As well as being positive and reliable and responsible etc. you will need to keep your own ego in check too. What does this mean? For guys there is always a strong desire to compete. To outdo the other person.
This competitive one-up-manship can easily drive a wedge in between a couple of friends if allowed to run free and run fast.
If every time you said something to your friend they replied with something they did that was bigger, better, fast, more expensive etc. You would get annoyed very quickly. Especially if it was all the time.
On the odd occasion maybe you can get away with it, but be mindful not to get too competitive over diminishing the value of your friend’s words.
In conclusion:
Being more likable is ultimately about being a more giving person. When you put the other person first it makes them feel like you value them and care.
When you lift them up they feel good. When they feel good they will associate those good feelings with you. They will want you around as you make them feel good.
This is a situation where everybody wins by being a little less selfish and as a result everyone gets more of what they want. Good feelings and friends.
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