How Can I Be More Myself & Less Of What Others Want Me To Be
Being told to behave or to change what you are doing or saying when you are older is a bit insulting and can feel embarrassing. The result is for us to try and conform with others wishes but usually at your expense.
By thinking about yourself, focusing on your own wants and needs, doing what you want to do and say will empower you and also allow you to be you. The real you and not the you that people want you to be.
People will assume you are being selfish but at the end of the day you only have one life to love so be happy doing it.
So how do we change and get to where we are ourselves once more? We can break things down into internal and external actions.
Don’t worry about how other people look at you
No matter where you are in life and where you go there will always be someone looking down their nose at you with disdain. If you are a little loud, boisterous or even dress in a non-conforming way you will often get a series of disapproving side glances, tut-tuts and under breath murmurs.
You know what? Let them. If you try and please others you will not be happy. If you try to put yourself last purely because you think differently then you will always be last. Trying to make yourself invisible will not do anything other than give you anxiety
Letting your inside come out is great, if you have people around you that can accept you, warts and all then you will feel like a whole new person.
Don’t be a people pleaser
The real trick here is to avoid or disassociate with the negative people in your life. The people who tell you to sit down, shut up, don’t do this, don’t do that. Doing what people want so you conform, fit in, or just make them feel empowered will just bring you down.
Many man have spouses and have often been told by them to: Don’t tell jokes, don’t be loud, don’t go out with your friends, don’t watch that TV program……. the list is endless.
Many guys oblige mainly because it’s easier than fighting but in the long run, not giving in will see you as an equal in that partnership rather than the defeated adversary.
Be confident with who you are
Trying to be confident in who you are can feel strange especially when you are used to being a “yes” man. We men have a great many skills, abilities, and knowledge and it’s important that we recognize that. To know who we are and to be who we are is just as important to ourselves as anyone else.
By giving yourself the same amount of value and respect that you afford others will bring a sense of confidence in yourself. By surrounding yourself with people who like the real you will make you feel even more so.
As you being to make positive changes for yourself your confidence will grow naturally so you will not have to force this. It will be a by-product of your good choices.
Know your strengths and weaknesses
By slowly becoming yourself you will begin to understand yourself more. This will also involve you becoming self aware. Aware of your own strengths and weaknesses.
This is a great opportunity for you to look inwards in great detail. All the aspects of yourself that are strengths, use them to bolster your confidence and to keep guiding you to becoming your true self.
The same can be said of your weaknesses too. Focus on these to use them as a learning and self-improvement tool. Accepting your weaknesses will allow you to deal with them and this will, in turn, make you confident in the fact that you are exactly who you should be.
Don’t compare – you are you
Do you measure up? Or don’t you? The truth is it does not matter. You are your own person and should not try to compare yourself with others. It’s impossible, we are all unique individuals on this planet so the best you can hope for as a passing similarity. But if someone is richer, taller or has a better car than you so what? Maybe you have a better smile, you are more popular and you are more intelligent.
By looking at others and comparing all you are doing is looking for ways to show yourself how you are lacking in some way. It’s not only negative and psychologically destructive but it does not serve any purpose to improve your life.
By focusing on yourself you can make a better comparison. How am I now compared to how I was last month? Now that’s a much better comparison.
You can do this with results like “I lost 2 kilos and I made 3 new friends. I visited a goodwill shop and gave them some of my old clothes. I didn’t study Spanish as much as I wanted but I managed to do 4 hours”
You can use your changes, both positive and negatives to plan how you can improve for the following month
We all make mistakes – Learn from yours
Life is not a rehearsal. You may have heard this before. It means that there will be times when we make mistakes. We all do and it’s ok. It happens. What we do after we make a mistake it more important as we can choose to learn from it or not.
Sometimes not being yourself can cause you to make an error in judgement, especially if you are being pressured by someone else. What you can do here is to remove yourself from that person.
Imagine the following: A married man is working hard and his wife nags him to make more money despite the fact he works 2 jobs and she stays at home. Every time he tries to start a small business from home for under $100 she tells him it’s too risky and for him to try and get a 3rd job.
By not being himself he trudges through his waking week like a zombie, demoralized, mentally and physically drained until he collapses with exhaustion.
His mistake? Maybe getting the 2nd job but definitely getting the 3rd. Also not insisting on taking a small risk and setting up a small business that could do well and improve their lives.
Stand up for yourself
Being firm is also key when you embark on this journey. Shying away and back tracking at the first hint of opposition will not damage your chances of being you and could delay your happiness. Remember life is not a rehearsal. We don’t have time to live for someone else first before we do.
This is probably the hardest part of being yourself. It’s never easy to confront people, especially if they feel you are challenging their beliefs and values, especially if they want to control you and your behavior.
If you are married or having an issue with a family member this can put a strain on relations with those people. As long as you remain firm they will accept you for who you are, if they love and respect you that is.
In conclusion:
Life is too short to be miserable, unhappy and stifled in life. As time passes life seems to get more difficult. It always seemed that things were much easier 5 or even 10 years ago.
Being happy and being ale to embrace and enjoy life while you can is important. So is being able to do it as yourself and not some bizarre shadow of your true self. Be happy, be strong…… be you!
