How To Be Less Jealous – Say No To The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy can be quite all encompassing if it’s allow to run amok. It can leave a guy unable to think, sleep, eat or even have a quality relationship with anyone.

So what is jealousy exactly and what can you do to stop having negative feelings like this. Jealousy is essentially the worry or fear the something or someone will be taken away from you.

More often than not you will have seen a guy in a bar strut up to another, get right in his face and yell “are you looking at my girl?”. It may have been you. Irrespective of who did what this jealousy is born out of fear that the other guy may be better and more appealing to his girlfriend than he is.

The art of not being jealous involves addressing your own insecurities, being honest with those around you with your feelings, to be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on possible loss and to give trust to those people who are in your life.

Being insecure – Look inwards

This is by far the biggest reason for jealousy among men. The feeling that they are not good enough and their partner will see that and leave them for another guy.

Many of their partners see this behavior and try to address it with platitudes and promises it will not happen but this often does not give the confidence it should.

Addressing the insecurities should be the number one focus in all cases of jealousy. There may be many reasons which cause insecurities to manifest themselves.

Some of the top insecurities in men are: Looking old, going bald / losing hair, career failure, poor body image, height, and penis size. With so much going on in guys’ heads it’s a wonder we aren’t all suffering with raging jealousy.

For many insecurities which are physical, like height or baldness, there is little that can be done other than accepting you are who you are and moving on. For others, you may be able to improve them, things like your job, your emotions and behavior.

What you have and what you may lose

For jealous guys they tend to only see impending loss when thinking about their relationship. Every waking thought is filled with worry and fear about what may or may not happen.

Often, this jealousy overwhelms both parties and causes the one thing that the guy was genuinely worried about would happen. A break-up. By focusing on why your relationship will fail will turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, look at what you do have and try not to look at is as an impending loss but rather the togetherness and bond that you have now. By concentrating on what you do have you will see that the other person wants to be with you. If you do your best to keep the feelings at bay and make them happy then there is no reason to go somewhere else.

Gratitude

If you are trying to stop looking towards the loss then you can begin to focus on the present. The here and now. Being grateful means being appreciative for what you have. Not just your partner but the things about yourself that made them come to be with you in the first place.

If you are a funny guy then be thankful, if you are loving, again, be thankful. Also take care to show your gratitude to your partner.

Show them your positive side, be on your best behavior, and squash those jealous impulses. Let your partner see all the reasons why they are with you. When they see them there should be no reason for them to go.

Be honest

Being honest both with yourself and with your partner is very important, which is why you need to have strong lines of communication open between you. There may be times when you feel insecure. If there are then talk about them. Try to be honest about why you have them rather than accusing them.

If your partner speaks with other guys and you feel jealous then say ” I felt jealous when you spoke with that guy”, make it about you, Try to avoid “Why were you speaking to him?” kinds of interrogations. This will result in a defensive stance which may get escalated.

The reason why you felt jealous was that you were insecure about something, be open and explain why, chances are your partners reply maybe along the lines of “He is a friend of so and so, and I was looking to ask him and his girlfriend to join us for drinks as he is into motorbikes like you, so you will have a lot to talk about”

Despite feelings of jealousy the reason when it comes out is that your partner is looking to improve your life with new friends, so be open to the idea that not everything is going to be bad,

Trust issues

Now you have opened up to yourself and your partner, your feelings about why you are jealous should be lessening so it may now be time to learn to trust more.

Accepting your partner is a decent and honest individual like toy is essential for building that trust of them in your mind. Keep a trust diary and every time you feel jealous or un-trusting then write it down. After the feeling has passed go back to the diary and check what happened which caused you to feel like you couldn’t trust them.

Maybe they were out and you just felt anxious, or maybe you saw them speak with someone, or share a laugh with a friend.

After taking the time to think about what happened you will come to the conclusion that nothing untoward did actually happen and it was just a common social interaction and it was your mind playing tricks that was the real culprit, not them.

In conclusion:

The road to becoming less jealous is a hard one and not without issue. there will be accusations made and may be arguments or full-blown rows. The fact that your partner is still there yelling back is a testament that they care about you. That should be reason enough to keep going.

The path will get easier over time. You will need to take a good, long, hard look at yourself though, and be really willing to commit to change.

By allowing yourself to be honest and open will mean you will be exposing your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Don’t fear, your partner will be caring and understanding and will be grateful to you for letting them in rather than building a wall.