How To Be Less Hard On Yourself – Cut Yourself Some Slack
Having high standards and expectations may be well and good but when the person you are being the most harsh with and the most critical is yourself it can lead to many damaging consequences.
As you go through life you will do many things, some will be trivial like getting coffee, some more significant like taking an exam or going for a job interview.
We all have standards and expectations. What we feel is appropriate and right. When there is a deviation from this we feel that blame should be apportioned to the issue.
If the issue has been caused by someone else or involves someone else then we usually, if we are kind and decent people, unconsciously lower these standards if we feel the other person may not be fully up to the task.
It may be because of love, or friendship or just a sense of fairness but irrespective of the reason you cut them some slack.
When it comes to measuring yourself by those selfsame standards that’s another matter. 99.99% simply will not do, it needs to be 100% or it’s a failure.
We need to correct this way of thinking as if we leave this set of unreasonable expectations in place we can run the risk of becoming ill.
To stop being hard on yourself will need you to stop being overly critical of everything you do. Stop judging others fairly and then harshly at yourself. Being realistic and to stop seeing big issues where small problems lie.
Stop feeling like a failure, you aren’t
Life is a series of events where you may complete some of them well, some of them badly and some of them, not at all. But you cannot judge yourself as a winner or loser until your last day on earth where you can tally your overall score. You certainly can’t do it halfway through.
Potential winners can trip at the last hurdle, an underdog can come from the back of the pack to win. You just don’t know.
Always seeing the mistakes instead of the achievements will cast a shadow over all the good things you have managed to do in your life.
Mistakes are part of what makes us human, what separates us from the machines, which also make mistakes too by the way. They just don’t beat themselves up when they do.
If you start recognizing your successes are linked to your failures you will feel less inclined to give yourself a hard time. Look at each error or mistake as a chance to learn something, why you made the error, and how you can fix it. This way an error is a success as it’s improving you by its very existence.
Believe in yourself
Having confidence in yourself is critical to making your dreams, goals, and plans come to fruition. If you are just sitting there full of self-loathing because of your multitude of mistakes you are missing the whole point.
If you are not enjoying the journey then maybe you are headed in the wrong direction. No? Then why is the journey not full of growth and happiness? Sharing the ups and downs of your last week with your friends or family can give you that boost you may be lacking.
Remember the journey is just as important as the destination. When you take a train journey do you look out the window or do you put a blindfold on and grumble about why you don’t get to the station earlier?
Stop, take the time to look out of the window to your life and see the trees and fields drift pass. Take a breath and feel calm. Be happy with where you are and where you are going.
Keep the past in the past, let fixed problems go.
Often people who are too hard on themselves struggle to get go of past mistakes, preferring to keep them hanging around their necks as millstones of penance.
This can be unhealthy to drag around this baggage and can be made worse by still focusing on errors that you resolved.
If you made a mistake and corrected it don’t use it as a negative event. Use it as the positive that it is. It was an opportunity for you to learn from your mistake, and you did, by fixing it. Take the win and acknowledge it as a win.
Don’t fail to look after yourself
When we are in the throes of administering self loathing we can often neglect ourselves as result. Most of the time it’s on a subconscious level where you try to overcompensate for things. Throw yourself into your work and forget basics like adequate food and sleep.
It can also take a dangerous turn where you consciously mistreat yourself. You know you are hungry but you tell yourself you are undeserving of food. Or you force yourself to stay awake to work harder as punishment for a perceived misdemeanor. If you do things like this then seek help immediately. This type of behavior can be unsafe if left unchecked.
By taking care of yourself properly, both physically and mentally you are telling yourself you are worth it. Even if you don’t feel you are do it anyway.
You will be more likely to succeed and accomplish your goals of you sleep well, eat well and are clean and ready to face the world.
Embrace your weaknesses
Think of yourself as a jigsaw piece in the grand puzzle of life. You fit where you are and nobody else is the same. You can use this to your advantage. By taking stock of the things you can’t do and the things you can do.
This will then allow you to focus on doing things with your strengths and whenever you find you need to do something where you are weak, you will not try and fail but pass this task onto someone else who can win for you.
Successful people understand their weaknesses and the importance of delegation or subcontracting. Learn this lesson and you will be better for it.
In conclusion:
By not allowing to see yourself as collection of wins as well as losses will undermine your self confidence and can bring about many negative emotions that may manifest into something more serious.
We are all human and prone to making errors now and then. Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards as you will only set yourself up to fail.
See an error as such and correct it. Learn from it. Use it as a tool for self improvement and not a hammer to beat yourself over the head with.
High standards are usually associated with individuals who are motivated to succeed often against the odds. This is the time to celebrate you.
