How To Be Less Competitive – Sometimes Winners Finish Last

We all know someone who is fiercely competitive don’t we? That guy who always has to be first in everything, from card and board games, to getting into the bar first. It’s get’s a bit grating to be around guys like this.

So what you you are that guy? “Is it so bad?” you might say? “What’s wrong with a little healthy competition?” It’s true that sentence is correct but when you are overly competitive you take the word healthy out of that sentence as it’s clearly not.

To become less competitive you need to look inwards at why you don#t like losing. Letting go of negative feelings like anger or jealousy needs to happen. You also need to stop focusing on the winning part of whatever you are doing and to see winning, losing, and taking part as being equally important.

For many people who play games with an overly competitive guy they tend to try and do a few things to subvert the chances of a win. they may gang up on that person, cheat to stop them, or use other means.

This can end up with the guy being ecstatic if they happen to win despite the extra handicaps, thus fueling the problem even more or it will cause the guy to throw a fit and get upset at the injustice should he fail to win. Either way it’s not an advisable tactic.

Comparing yourself to others

This is common with competitive guys. There are feelings of insecurity about something somewhere so being able to win at something, to beat others, will be to show your superiority.

In truth, you may be superior to others in many ways and them superior to you. This does not mean you have to turn everything into a competition, to constantly play a game of oneupmanship where you have to be the best at everything that has ever happened anywhere to anyone, ever!

This is a very disagreeable trait. If you have ever heard a story being told and it reminds you of a similar story then try not to tell it immediately after, it smacks of competition. What you are saying in no uncertain terms is “yep, ok story, glad you are finished now listen to ME, I’m far more interesting!”

Yes, we are guys, we often do this without thinking, now and then can be considered acceptable but in moderation.

Accept that other people are different and maybe better or worse at things than you. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose. It’s keeping an even keel to your emotions that is the key.

Being seen as a winner is being seen as someone to be admired

Not all winners are admired, especially when they display arrogance and disdain for those they have beaten, there’s a phrase “sore loser” but there is also a “sore winner” too.

When guys are overly competitive they are most likely to be both of these. When they win they lord it over everyone and rub their faces in it and when the lose they sit and sulk or storm off. Trust me this is not mature or manly behavior.

Imagine you have taken part in a competition and have come third, you were in a group of 200 and you feel pretty good about how well you did. Now you tell a friend and all he can say is “3rd? Not 1st? Wow that’s pretty crap, why bother telling me?” How would you feel? Pretty upset I would imagine.

Putting that into perspective, competitive guys do that to everyone they beat, not in the same words but with their gestures and mannerisms. Not winning but being stoic about it, that is what should be admired.

People will not admire the competitive guy because he does not respect the competitors and the competition, only the winning.

Taking part is the fun not the winning

Realizing you can have just as much fun taking part as you can from winning is a big step to being less competitive. Be humble with your wins and remember to cheer the winner when it’s not you.

If you need to think about how you are feeling while you are playing. If you are enjoying the activity then tell the other participants. Chances are they will tell you too. A shared enjoyable experience becomes more enjoyable.

Being not only a good winner and a good loser, but also a good player will make others like you more. You will be encouraged to take part more often as you will be showing any negative behaviors., in fact the opposite which will attract people to you instead of driving them away.

Compassion for others

Putting yourself in the shoes of others can be useful here. Imagine you you feel when you don’t win. You may not feel very good. Now imagine every time you don’t win, someone laughs and points and tells you how rubbish you are.

Chances are you would feel like you wouldn’t play with that person anymore and it would put you off playing that game too. You may need to adjust your attitude to account for other people’s feelings towards you regarding competitions and games.

Having negative feelings can increase the chance of becoming anxious, stressed and unhappy which could lead to ongoing health issues.

A happy, relaxed, and sometimes excited atmosphere is the most conducive to good relationships with family, friends and colleagues. Try to set your goals towards communal happiness rather than winning.

Helping others is a win for you

Winning isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact if you are competing against a natural born loser or an underdog then you can get just as much, if not more satisfaction from helping them to win as you would have if you won yourself.

This goes back to our old hunter-gatherer DNA where we look after and provide for others. Helping someone with a win falls into the providing category so we guys are more likely to take satisfaction from helping than just trying to win.

Helping others to win, can come at your own expense and this, while it may go against the grain of aim of what you are doing it will bring about a sense of camaraderie, where you leave no man behind and that team spirit often cannot be beat.

In conclusion:

Nobody likes and arrogant smug dick so don’t be one. Even if you are better at something and win then take the win humbly. Try and find a range of things to do where everyone in your group can excel and be a winner. If you can’t then try to help others so that everyone has a good time.

If everyone is happy and you were instrumental in that, then you are a winner really no matter what happens.